Saturday 6 December 2014

PLKN part 2

People were so busy checking on their placement for the 1st group.
While 
there's me
scared & excited 
at the same time
to check mine.
.
..
....

I gathered the strength and with the boldly heart,
I checked mine.

AND YOU GUESS WHAT PEOPLE




I was so shocked.
Happy.
Nervous.
Sad.
Delighted.
Dumbstruck.
Speechless.
(over beno but thats the fact)

While still in shocked, I checked via text also.
(just to make sure it's true)



Few days later....


My my, call me crazy cause I am.

Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful and feeling blessed.

And so, I've been chosen for the 1st group placement which starts this 7th December 2014/Sunday until 14th February 2015/Sunday at Pelangi Hill Resort Camp, Kuala Kubu Bharu, Selangor. Yeah I am double grateful that the camp is in Selangor (even if its still gonna take like 1-2 hours but still, it is in selangor).

So I received this love-letter on 18th November 2014 at 2.06pm

So proud that my name is stated on an official kind of letter hahah what even

Everything is done after I finished my exam and guess who's that freaking excited person on earth? Yea yup I don't even know why am I that excited but yes I am. Probably the shopping part that excites me, somehow.

Oh and not to mention that all the stories/thoughts/words from my dad's friends that even boost up my excitement. Really, thank you uncle(s). 

Dad : first week nanti mestila terasa jugak since kakak tak pernah pergi jauh, kalau nangis pun first week je pastu jumpa kawan nanti enjoy la 

Mum : ala takdenya ibu tak rasa kakak nangis nangis dekat sana, best apa jumpa orang baru

Hahahahaha my parents are betting on me. Lets just see who's right and who's wrong. But honestly, I think Im gonna cry maybe after they sent me off, on the bus. 


"Hanya dibenarkan bawa 1 bag pakaian dan 1 bag sandang"

And how do you think that is fine?! Like seriously, I re-packed everything for 2 times because my things can't fit in that bag. Like only ONE FREAKING BAG R U SERIOUS MAN? 

Am I ready? Physically and mentally? I don't know. But I'm kinda excited too!! But I'm afraid too and nervous too and...ok. Wtvr it is, tomorrow is the day! I'll be away for like 3 months? (am back officially on 14th feb anyway) 

Okay so,

Please pray so that everything is gonna be easy for me. Pray that Allah ease everything for me. And do come and visit me during weekend- not to forget to bring good foods along hehehe

Bye everyone, take care <3


part 1 // part 3 // part 4



Love,
NIH

Tuesday 25 November 2014

O-ver

It's over.

I just cannot stand you any longer.

My heart hurts.
My brain stucks.
My hands break.
My eyes swell.

Now, it is all over. We have nothing-related anymore. I'm sorry for my mistakes; careless mistakes. I think I have tried my best already, pardon me if it wasn't enough. Thank you for being patient with me like for 2 years. Lets move on to the next stage!

Goodbye, SPM.
You are once a lifetime experience.

Pergh over katekooo.

Wtvs, I am so done with spm and lets just pray and hope for the best.

Next chapter in my life is...... PLKN.
jeng jeng jenggggggg 😱


Love,
NIH

Friday 31 October 2014

Break a Leg, 97's!

*take a very deep breath*

One step closer...

First and foremost, time flies that I couldn't even believe that this is going to happen. This thing gonna get real. I still remembered the first time I entered high school and now, I'm going to end my high school life in less than a month. I am now a senior and will end my senior year soon. Real soon. How fast that I didn't realize it.

In spite of that, I am going to sit for the exam that will be the baby step for my future that is Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM). Can you believe this??? Can you? Cause I can't. Hahah I still can't believe that I am now seventeen tho. So yeah, I'm gonna sit for SPM this Monday. I repeat, This freaking Monday 3rd November 2014.

Am I afraid? Yes.
Am I scared? Yes.
Am I nervous? Yes.
Am I confused? Yes.

I got this mixed feelings ever since I entered form 5. But I know that no matter what, I need to face this. No matter how scared I am. Well actually, it's not that I am thaaaaat scared to sit for the exam but to hold this responsibility to get straight A's is hard. Everyone is putting a very VERY high hopes on me. And to see them all get disappointed is obviously not my goal. I'll definitely want to make them proud and happy--really.

So I am here to apologize to each and everyone of you if I ever hurt you or if you ever get cheesed off by me, I am truly sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone;;seriously. To all 97's babies, I wish you guys the very best of all. Lets create a new record you rock! Break a leg!

Please please pray for me as well, wish me luck and may Allah ease everything throughout the exam. I'll try to do the very best of it, if He wills.


All the best 97's!!


P/s ; and please pray that I'll get the first batch of plkn/2015 PLEASE

Till then, I'll get back on track after everything's settle down. Peace n.nV


Love,
NIH




Saturday 18 October 2014

Graduation Day - 11/10/2014

I'M GRADUATED



So, last Saturday Oct 11th was our graduation day. Ya I know we haven't sit for our exam yet we're graduating. I know I know. I remembered the moment I looked at the name list of 5 Dedikasi last december and first thing on my mind was "boringnya". I was wrong, I judge too quick. Now it's already October and we have been through together for like 10 months already. And yes, I love them to the moon and back! ❤

So here's a bit of memories we created on that day ;











5 Dedikasi 2014

 Till then, XOXO

#16dayslefttillspm


Love,
NIH


Wednesday 24 September 2014

Start counting

So, what's up?

Yea, finished my SPM trial. Screwed everything. The papers. The questions. The results. I am so disappointed and frustrated and sad to see how my result looks like. I mean like, this is trial man and you can apply something with the result for the sake of your future-bright future and you don't even take it serious. No it's not that I take it for granted or what but, nah I don't know.

Despite the devastated feeling, deep inside I am a lil bit proud and happy (just like 20% of it) that I've improved for certain subjects. Even though it is not good enough (obviously it's not) but I'm quite happy to see my marks are improving; towards better. It's just that I need to push myself to study harder because I know I didn't put the best of all during trial. My effort was like 50%(/<) but I expect for a beautiful flower when I myself was too lazy to water it everyday. Of course, it's like pie in the sky. I know.

The question is ;

To whom should I pass the buck?
Is it my parents?
Or maybe my teachers?
O wait, I guess my friends?
Or maybe those strangers outside?

This is all utterly absurd and perplexing.

Of course it's ME. Who else.

There is still hope. There is still time. Nothing [worth having] comes easy. Stop complaining. Stop sighing. Stop wasting. Start now, because it's not too late. Have faith, dear-self.

#40dayslefttillSPM

#40dayslefttillSPM

#40dayslefttillSPM

(amagads this is getting real)



Wednesday 17 September 2014

Run- as far as you can

Everyone runs.


Runs away from the hurdle.

Runs away from relationships.

Runs away from responsibilities.

Runs away to avoid from meeting people.

Runs away to hide the truth.

Runs away because the truth that has been spoken is damn hurt.

Runs away from the reality because you're just too tired.

Runs away to forget all the problems.

Runs away to deny the facts.

Runs away from your own shadow.

Runs away from the fiasco you accidentally involved in.

Runs away simply because that's the only choice we have.


At some point in our life, we have/need/must  make a wrong choice because that's the only choice we have, and to make things better, we have to. We know the consequences, we know it's not right but then nothing can be done. We have to do it whilst waiting for the halcyon things to appear in the blink of an eye.

But eventually,

Everyone will stop running.
Maybe because they're tired of running;
Maybe because there are no other place to escape;
Maybe because they've finally realized that the world is like a ball;; round like a ball
Or maybe, because they can finally accept the new possibilities- and fate.

"We all flee in hope of finding some ground of security."

Yes, I do flee.


Saturday 6 September 2014

Giving-up

Almost
give up.
Almost.

But then I gather the strength to not. 

It perplexes me how a single thing- the most simplest thing I would say can change everything into a complex big complicated thing. 

Do you know that empty-feeling? That I-don't-even-know-why-but-im-so-depressed feeling? That I-hate-everyone-and-everything feeling? That I am so tired with life, I give up, I hate myself, I hate everything, I hate the world- feeling? Because at some point in your life, you'd just simply give up. Without any logic acceptable reason. Yeap, that's just how life enroll us. 

Then I remember ;

Why should I feeling like this as I don't even have any solid reason for me to.

Just when the caterpillar thinks its life is over, it becomes a beauty butterfly.

You can choose to doubt yourself, or to believe in yourself. Just like how you can choose to either eat a pizza or a plain bread.

Won't it be such a waste if you're like two steps ahead towards your dream?

Yes, hardships tend to occur right before success. 

And you worth the time and all the sacrifices you made. So be patient.

It's okay to dream big even it's like pie in the sky; but it's ok. 

You change nothing if you did nothing.

Success is inevitable to those who won't give up.
Success is attainable by everyone as long as you don't give up and keep going.

Therefore, I won't give up in everything I do. 

Believe in yourself. Have faith and keep praying. If Allah wills. 


Sunday 31 August 2014

57th

Happy 57th Independence Day,
Malaysia.

May Allah bless and shower us with peace and harmony
May we live in a better way day by day
May we be a grateful and thankful person with every little things we had
and
May our country, Malaysia remains prosperous and peaceful.

Merdeka!!

31.08.2014

Source : google.com.my

Friday 22 August 2014

Death

"Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception."  - 3:185

Death is a reality of life that everyone will face without any reason to argue. Death is also a reality in life that we, no one will ever know when/how/where it will approach. If and only if, we know when will we die, I bet we are not gonna do the things we had done in the past. And we'll surely fulfilling the obligation, refraining from forbidden things and acquiring noble character. We must be enthusiastically in doing the good deeds. But the fact that we do not know when is the reason we did those things we know we shouldn't.

Last two weeks, on Sunday 10th, when we were supposed to get ready for a wedding, my mom got a news that her grandfather (my great grandfather) had just passed away. Before that, on Friday 8th, I got a news that one of my seniors had also passed away at a very young age. And months ago, I knew that some people had just lost their mom/dad. I bawled my eyes out whenever I tried to put my shoes in theirs. It's such a sad.. heartbroken.. and ah I don't know what's the exact word to be used but, I just can't whenever it comes to someone's death. Because I'm such overly sensitive that I imagined those things happen to me ; losing your beloved ones, and I'll cry a river.

Oh and yes, about that MH17 plane, it is such a heartbroken news. I. Just. Can't. Seeing the families crying and sobbing in the tv touched me so hard. Then I remembered, every human being is bound to taste death. So develop compassion for others, shows concern for others and become less concerned for material possession before it's too late.

Nothing is too late they said, yes but when you've lost your beloved ones, can you turn back time?
To show your love?
To make them happy?
To show your concern?
To ask forgiveness from them?
To tell them you're not mad at them?
To tell that you love them even if you're not showing it?
To say that you've forgive them even if you're acting like not?
To tell them that they're important in your life and you just can't live without them?

No. You can't turn back time to do so. It's too late then. Too late for you to realize to be grateful and thank Him for every single thing He had gave you.

Take benefit of five before five ;
Your youth before your old age,
Your health before your sickness,
Your wealth before your poverty,
Your free-time before your preoccupation and
Your life before your death.

Death is never too early or too late. Just right on time.


Verily, we are Allah's and verily to Him shall we return 
2:156 
 
 


 
 
  

Saturday 16 August 2014

PLKN part 1


And I was...
speechless
dumbstruck
shocked
lost for words
at a loss
.

Well honestly, I don't even know what to feel. Should I be happy? Or sad? Or what? I'm confused. I literally cried and screamed the moment I read this. But I don't even know why I did that, I mean is it because I was happy that I'm selected for the National Service? Or I'm actually sad that I've been chosen for it? I don't know. No one knows. 

I'm okay with it because once I told myself, if I'm selected, then I go. If not, then it's okay. 
I wanted to go because the experience there I won't get it anywhere. 
I wanted to go because this program is actually good for me as I will be more disciplined. (i hope so)
I wanted to go because I want a new environment, surrounded by new faces with different attitude.
I wanted to go because some of the activities are quite fun I think.

BUT

I am afraid that I can't survive there. (bcs yknow 3 months away without your parents, family?!?!!???!) ((and far as I know, I've never been away from them for more than 3 days and 1 night. And that was 5yrs ago during standard 6 for a camping and during form 3 I went to Goldcourse under school trip. Thats it.))

I am afraid that I don't have any friends there since I'm not that kind of person who'll start first. I mean I want people to say hello to me first, to start the convo first. Because undeniably, I am an awkward person haha idk. 

And yes, my biggest fear is that I'm afraid if I can't be independent without my parents beside me. For almost seventeen years alive, I'm depending on them. Yet, this program is actually to train us to be an independent person. And I hope it works on me since I'm getting older day by day and I have to depend on myself otherwise I'll be in a pickle.

Me//Dad

"Yah kakak dapat plkn"
"Oh ha baguslah tu at least you'll get new experience and ni pun exposure untuk kakak jugak since kakak tak pernah rasa duduk jauh jauh ni"
"Tapi lama sangat 3 bulan tu i think 1 month pun dah cukup"
"Habistu kakak ingat nanti dah masuk U 1 bulan 3 bulan je ke? Lagi la 5-6 tahun duduk luar tu"

Hmmmm. I know it's true but I just don't know why I can't interpret it. Sigh.


Me//Mom

"(showed my phone) tengok ni"
"(read...read..) ha nur izz hanani! Dapat plkn kakak haa suka ke tak?"
"Entah biasa je suka jugak sebab banyak benda baru tapi kalau jauh tu hmm"
"Biarlah jauh jauh sikit, belajar erti hidup"
"Tapi nanti baju kena basuh sendiri"
"Habistu nak suruh siapa basuhkan? Semua benda buat sendiri la"
"Mesti banyak barang nak kena bawak tak cukup 3 bag"
"Yela nanti kita beli la bag baru besar sikit"


Hahahahahah. I think it's funny. 


One thing excites me is that I can go shopping all day long to get things prepared for this program. Weeehooooo. So overall, I think there's nothing bad pun if you're selected for this program. In fact, those who doesn't have just lost the fun and enjoyment we gonna have there. Soon. (tktaula ni ayat sedapkan hati ke cane but seriously) All that matters are you and your mindset. So let's spread the positive vibes and ignore those negativity and shallow thoughts of some people that are actually jealous of you! Bear this in mind. 


P/S ; the title of this post got there 'part 1' because i'm so going to write/share about it after my session end. and i'm excited out of a blue. Muahahah bye.



part 2 // part 3 // part 4



Love,
NIH

Monday 4 August 2014

Eid '14


Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir & Batin


Big family of Hj Jufri (my atuk sebelah ibu)
((missing here ; ummy's & cikteh's family))

Saturday 5 July 2014

Pros & Cons

Procrastinate

To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
To postpone or delay needlessly.
Source : Dictionary.com 


I don't think I know anybody who doesn't procrastinate. Everyone does. Just that they did it infrequently or often. But I find that I do it most often when I am feeling overwhelmed or when the task is the things that I really don't want to do but I have to in order to be a successful human. Wah. Frankly speak, who doesn't want to be success? To be rich? To be smart without even trying? Tell me who does not want that. But yeah, it's part of life to get something different, you must do something different. You don't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. You just can't. 

Back to the topic, procrastinate. Yes I am a procrastinator. Every time. It's not a bad thing you know. Because I do find some benefits about it.

So me. Heheh.


Pros :

You have time to think and do some research about your errand.
Well ya, it's not actually I do not want to complete my work as soon as possible, but I just can't find the solution immediately. So I went around looking here and there finding the solution that I didn't realized the time is also running very fast till the due date has finally come.

Prevent trouble/disaster
Absolutely right. Ok, let's say you're mentally or even physically breakdown, and people keep on forcing you to complete and finish your work, do you really think that the outcome will be a good one? The complete, beautiful, amazing one? No. Why? Because of pressure. So procrastinate your work can actually give you time to stabilize yourself and can help you to work professionally and efficiently.

Gained something you never know
Despite the point above, procrastination somehow gives me something I don't know. Because you know you're running out of time as the due date is just around the corner. Therefore, you'll force your lazy ass to wake up and do your work. And when I do, I actually get something new during the process of completing the work.


Cons :

Work piles up
Of course, when you procrastinate a work, then another work is coming and you'll procrastinate the work to do the first work in the mean time, another work is coming coming coming just like how fast your money running out from your purse. And your work piles up and you don't have any time to correct/check the problem arise.

Unprofessional
Being a procrastinator shows that you look unprofessional. And not reliable. It shows the bad side of you and remember that first impression is important, right.

Breakdown
I don't know others, but as for me, I'll get depressed and stressed out like a mad woman. Then of course la raging like crazy. Everyone and everything around me will be the victim. Haha sorry people. The next day I promise myself to not procrastinate my work again and a few days after I'm still doing the same thing. What even.


Thats it the obvious pros & cons of procrastinate. I talk based on myself, based on my behaviour. Procrastination is a part of life. So no worries.

"You will delay, but time will not."
- Benjamin Franklin


#TRIALSPM ; 46 days
#SPM ; 121 days





Monday 16 June 2014

Wide awake

It's 4.07am right now (according to my phone) and I am still awake? Ya right I'm still awake at this hour and I actually shouldn't. I just ate my biscuit with a cup of milo. Great huh.

No I'm not staying up late to watch any football match.

No I'm not staying up late to chat/skype/having a deep heart-to-heart talk with anyone.

No I'm also not staying up late to study or reading any page-turner novel.

No no no.

I am here staying up late just to complete my account's assignment that have been given to me since April 3rd (i guess?) and now, today, is already 16th of June. And you can actually imagine how long it was. But yeah, you know... Ok no I'm not lazy (ow rlly?) I was just too busy (ow rlly?) to finish it earlier.

And you guess whaaaaat. School actually starts in 3 hours time. Amagad is this for real like seriously I don't even get to sleep and I need to get ready for school. Okay I actually still got +-2 hours to take a nap. A really short nap. Just hoping that I'll not look like a freakin dead zombie tmrw. And ya, prayin that my midterm result will be just fine. Just fine..

Till then. Night. 427am.

Monday 9 June 2014

Malacca part I

So basically, I just got back from Malacca last night. Went there for Ummy's wedding reception on behalf the groom. On behalf the bride was on 24th May at Bangi and sadly, I got my Hari Koko on that day. But then it's okay because right after the event ended, I went to the feast. To eat. Hahahaha no that was only one of the reasons. Oh and guess what I don't even showered after my hari koko. You can actually imagine how stink I was!

yes, im wearing my tshirt koko


My mom's siblings


7th June 2014

Woke up early in the morning packed my bag showered and went to fasa 1 to pick up poksu, cikde and cik eila. Poksu was the one whos driving since my dad didn't follow us as he got something to do. Left Bangi at 10am and as we entered tol bangi, there were terrible jam. We can actually reached there for about 1 hour but because of the jam, we finally arrived at 2pm. Like seriously man it was horrible. Then we went to Mahkota Parade & Dataran Pahlawan for lunch. After eating and whatnot the time has come. What time is it? Yes, shopping twaaaaime! SALE SALE SALE SALE you know how does it feels when you see these signs ohmygod I just can't... I literally died. (ceh, over) But yeah how can you control your lust when there's sale everywhere. Told my mum I wanted this and that and this and that and she said, "ha tulah ibu suruh belajar pandai pandai nanti dapat kerja bagus gaji besar ha belilah apa nak beli pun". And ahhhhh yes, we didn't stop by the new H&M because time was too jealous of us. Ngahaha so sad.

That is somehow motivate me to study. Because I need money. I want money. And to get money is to get a good job with big salary, to get a good job first baby step is I need to pass my SPM and further my studies.




Okay then we went to A'Famosa the historical building and took a lot of photos. And I was thinking of doing my wedding photoshoot there. HAHAHAHAHAH please laugh now. It was quite tiring to climb till the top of the building but we had fun tho.



Family potrait
(too bad ayah was not here)

Too many photos and my fat lazy ass is too lazy to transfer everything. So, yeaaa. After an hour here, went back to MP and wandered and window shopping and left at 7.30pm. We're supposed to reached Toksu's house in just a few minutes since it was just a stone throw away from the town, but we actually arrived at 11.40+. You know how stressed it was during the journey?! My my, jam in Malacca is the worst I must say. Jam in KL is way much better. Headache and stomachache attacked me as we didn't had our dinner yet and was stuck for 4 hours. 4 dam hours in the jam just to get out of the town. How crazy! Reached Toksu's and we all ate the chicken rice like a mad person. Then I washed up and cleaned myself and slept because too tired stuck in the jam. Ngeh.


8th June 2014

Today is the day. Woke up early and getting ready to send Ummy to the groom's house. The food was too delicious especially the asam pedas! You know, Malacca... and asam pedas... I actually ate two plates of rice because it will be such a waste as I seldomly get to eat Malacca's asam pedas. (ceh nak cover) (konon)

Gorgeous Ummy in da houz!




After eat eat selfie eat gossip eat selfie eat and eat, went back to Toksu's and took a rest for awhile before heading back to Bangi. 

Gedik poses. Hahaha.









Congratulations Ummy!
 May Allah bless your marriage and lasts till jannah.








Friday 6 June 2014

I don't know

My "I don't know" means ; -
I actually know but i just couldn't find any suitable words to use.
I am not in the mood to entertain people.
I am having that feeling which i myself don't even know how to describe it.
I am pissed off/annoyed/mad.
I already know something that you do not want me to.
It's up to you to make a decision bcs i really don't know (haha)
Last but not least, I really am don't know.

Ammar , 2014.

This slaps me right on my face. I was kind of speechless the moment he said this. Then I asked myself, till when? I am seventeen and i can't even make a decision for myself. I will always depends on others. But then, until when? Sometimes, it is not that i don't know, i know but i can't express it and i don't even know why i can't. Maybe i was too afraid to tell because i hate rejections. And i simply hate it when people don't agree with what i've said. I wanted my idea, my decision, my answer, to be accepted (even if i know i was wrong) by people without hurting anyone. Therefore, i will just say that i don't know. 

Me, everytime.


Monday 26 May 2014

Stars

Whaduuup people.

Midterm just ended around last week. And i dont think that i did it well enough. Just when la i need to realize that spm is just around the corner. I know spm is coming, but i didnt do anything about it. I havent well prepared. Anyone, please wake me up. In need of motivation so that i wont be able to waste even a second of my day.

Holiday week just started last tuesday. And we just finished our puncak jaya at upm for 3 days (tues, wed, thurs) and friday was at school for accounts and next monday 2nd june another class with tchr Jega for chemistry and im so done with extra classes during holidag.

But then......

I need to complete my assignment (acc) and my addmaths spm quest asap. But i think it's too late dah kot for me to hand in spm q. Sobs what a life. So many things need to be done and here i am doing nothing but keep on worrying on how to finish them.

Heres are some pics from the puncak jaya program ;

Sunday 4 May 2014

Sweet 17

Guess whos turning 17 today?! Yea you got it right! Me.

Happy 17th birthday, dear self. You're now 17 so please become more mature and act like a 17-years-old-adult-teen. Grow up, experience new things, make yourself and the people around you proud. Prove to those who said you can't that you can. Being depressed is like a nature for teens like you so just go with the flow. Enjoy your teenage life as many as you can. Last but not least, just be yourself. Don't have to be others even if you're good at pretending. Okay dear 17 yrs old me?

So here i am so grateful alhamdulillah i thank Allah for another year for me to breath. Thank you so much to my parents for taking care of me from the very beginning of my life till now, and forever insyaallah. Thank you to each and everyone of you for the wishes and prayers. I do really appreciate it. Thank you.

P/s : can finally get my license!! Wehoooooo

Thursday 1 May 2014

Quick-post #4

Holla. It's the last day of April. Time flies really fast that i dont even know what have i done in the past 4 months. Midterm is just around the corner (no its not really around the corner its like--ah you know) and guess who does not finish with her revision? Yeap you know who. Haha. And i can still rolling on my bed scrolling my timeline taking selfies and typing this right now. Ok wait, it is already 0000. Happy 1st may! Happy labour day!
Okay bye.
(donno why i even post this but yeh wtvr)
#guesswhosbirthdayiscoming #huhu

Friday 25 April 2014

Not love but hate

I hate people.

I hate how they never appreciate me. I hate how they never realise my existance. I hate how they never try to understand me. I hate how they take me for granted. I hate how they talk to me when they're in trouble/bored. I hate how they never see my efforts trying to be happy for them. I hate how they left me behind. I hate how they automatically forget abt me when they've found smtg/smone. I hate how they never realise that im there whenever they need me--but they. I hate that they never realise their words affect me. I hate how their acts pissed me. I hate that i have to pretend like everything's okay when it's clearly obviously NOT.

I am always trying to look fine, to be fine in order to not destroy the relationship between me and people. Trying so hard to not care, but i can't cause im only human. Human with a freakin fragile heart. I easily get offended without people even knowing.

Wtvr it is, life goes on.

Monday 7 April 2014

After all

Ahaaaaaaa. Holla bloggies. Its been awhile since i last talk to u i guess. Ok, this is the first post ever for 2014. After almost 3 months away in this year huh.

Ive so much things to write that i dont even have time for it. Well ya, im 17 this year which so called SPM year. Yeap, its finally the last year of high school. Idk what to feel. Excited? Yes of course i am. Im freakin tired with all those so called school stuff. And yea im excited to finally get into my uni-life. "once u get into uni life, u ll wish for ur high school life back" "tgklah nnt mesti regret ckp nak membesar" "u gonna miss your high school life" and blablabla. This is so typical. I mean yeah what goes around comes around kan? So let it be lah. I mean sukahatilah nak rasa apa pun as if u never wish for those things dulu dulu. Sad? Of course im sad that i have finished my school life--soon. As im getting older, things become harder and you just need to do everything by yourself. Of course i will miss my friends, teachers and all the memories for 5 years of high school.

I have my own dreams. So i must chase for it. The focus now is spm. It starts from here. The future is in my hand. Its me who going to make it shine bright like a diamond or the other way. It is all about me and myself. I need to do something in order to get that 'something'.

Till now, goodnight.

Xo