Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Start counting

So, what's up?

Yea, finished my SPM trial. Screwed everything. The papers. The questions. The results. I am so disappointed and frustrated and sad to see how my result looks like. I mean like, this is trial man and you can apply something with the result for the sake of your future-bright future and you don't even take it serious. No it's not that I take it for granted or what but, nah I don't know.

Despite the devastated feeling, deep inside I am a lil bit proud and happy (just like 20% of it) that I've improved for certain subjects. Even though it is not good enough (obviously it's not) but I'm quite happy to see my marks are improving; towards better. It's just that I need to push myself to study harder because I know I didn't put the best of all during trial. My effort was like 50%(/<) but I expect for a beautiful flower when I myself was too lazy to water it everyday. Of course, it's like pie in the sky. I know.

The question is ;

To whom should I pass the buck?
Is it my parents?
Or maybe my teachers?
O wait, I guess my friends?
Or maybe those strangers outside?

This is all utterly absurd and perplexing.

Of course it's ME. Who else.

There is still hope. There is still time. Nothing [worth having] comes easy. Stop complaining. Stop sighing. Stop wasting. Start now, because it's not too late. Have faith, dear-self.




(amagads this is getting real)

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Run- as far as you can

Everyone runs.

Runs away from the hurdle.

Runs away from relationships.

Runs away from responsibilities.

Runs away to avoid from meeting people.

Runs away to hide the truth.

Runs away because the truth that has been spoken is damn hurt.

Runs away from the reality because you're just too tired.

Runs away to forget all the problems.

Runs away to deny the facts.

Runs away from your own shadow.

Runs away from the fiasco you accidentally involved in.

Runs away simply because that's the only choice we have.

At some point in our life, we have/need/must  make a wrong choice because that's the only choice we have, and to make things better, we have to. We know the consequences, we know it's not right but then nothing can be done. We have to do it whilst waiting for the halcyon things to appear in the blink of an eye.

But eventually,

Everyone will stop running.
Maybe because they're tired of running;
Maybe because there are no other place to escape;
Maybe because they've finally realized that the world is like a ball;; round like a ball
Or maybe, because they can finally accept the new possibilities- and fate.

"We all flee in hope of finding some ground of security."

Yes, I do flee.

Saturday, 6 September 2014


give up.

But then I gather the strength to not. 

It perplexes me how a single thing- the most simplest thing I would say can change everything into a complex big complicated thing. 

Do you know that empty-feeling? That I-don't-even-know-why-but-im-so-depressed feeling? That I-hate-everyone-and-everything feeling? That I am so tired with life, I give up, I hate myself, I hate everything, I hate the world- feeling? Because at some point in your life, you'd just simply give up. Without any logic acceptable reason. Yeap, that's just how life enroll us. 

Then I remember ;

Why should I feeling like this as I don't even have any solid reason for me to.

Just when the caterpillar thinks its life is over, it becomes a beauty butterfly.

You can choose to doubt yourself, or to believe in yourself. Just like how you can choose to either eat a pizza or a plain bread.

Won't it be such a waste if you're like two steps ahead towards your dream?

Yes, hardships tend to occur right before success. 

And you worth the time and all the sacrifices you made. So be patient.

It's okay to dream big even it's like pie in the sky; but it's ok. 

You change nothing if you did nothing.

Success is inevitable to those who won't give up.
Success is attainable by everyone as long as you don't give up and keep going.

Therefore, I won't give up in everything I do. 

Believe in yourself. Have faith and keep praying. If Allah wills.