Writing Challenge #8

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Day 8 : Share something you struggle with.

To say my life is perfect is a far cry from reality.

I'm such a mess, sometimes. I messed up things especially when I'm in my unstable control of hormone. I doubted myself no matter how much I told "never doubt yourself, trust yourself" to myself. 

My mind is the real enemy of mine. My thoughts are the silence killer. I don't know how to even fight this. I am so good with words when it comes to others except myself. I am that person who always listen to other people's issues rather than focus on my own. Yea, I am that person to bottle up and suppress mine. I remembered one time my friend asked me, "Izz how come you can be so positive all the time?" right after the heart-to-heart talk. Is this a joke or is this a joke? Haha. 

"Aku tengok Izz tu tenang je do."

"Kau memang takde perasaan ke Izz or kau memang jenis tak tunjuk?"

"Izz lah orang paling tenang aku pernah jumpa even dalam masalah."

"Izz bila period je dia sensitive."

That's what people see; and will always see. I don't usually show the dark side of me that people tend to think I am always happy with my life. But to certain, they noticed whenever I'm not okay. And I kinda like it when they actually noticed and cared. 

I like attention. But you'll never see me holding a banner crying and begging for your attention. Ever. I want to be great, yet I am impatient and expect for overnight success. I want to be different. I want to make difference in people's lives. I need to be selfish in order to be selfless. Am I that complicated tho?

"You ni kuat sangat overthinking." 

said the person who I thought never cared about my feelings.

To control the mind that thinking.

To knock down the ego.

To find that inner peace. 

Truth is, I'm struggling with myself.

The beauty lies in the struggle, they said. 

Love,

NIH